Chapter 7: Clean Up - FINALE?

A letter of farewell...

Its not always been clear to me kung bakit napakainsensitive mo pagdating sakin.
The truth is sometimes hindi ko na kaya, at minsan nagiging manhid na din ako. Bakit pagsa ibang tao iba ka? Bakit pagdating sakin parang bale wala?

Sinadya ko na hindi ka replayan... dahil baka mauwi lang sa away. I'm tired of arguing with you, kasi it's pointless eh.

I just want to be alone for a while, from you. You might be angry at me or not. Pero I am doing this one for real. I have nothing to teach you about magic, its all up to you, I might have failed on teaching you the other stuff that you should learn from me pero you can learn it na rin naman from anyone from TSC.

Things has to change when situations change. It's not the same, and it cannot be thesame. I need lots of time. You might see me, or not sa TSC, but things cannot be thesame.

Sorry, sorry sorry... i dont know if you will forgive me or not... Just think na malayo yung pinuntahan ko at hindi ako makabalik agad. Sorry din sa mga pagkukulang ko. At sorry kasi, hindi ko maitago yung totoong nararamdaman ko.

I didn't expect to see you last sat. At the back of my mind, nangaasar ka lang, saying the things that I told you na ayaw kong marinig. Kaya siguro parang ayaw kitang makita. You should have stayed with him na lang and celebrate.

I cannot be the one na pagkekwentuhan mo about your present bf. So, baka yun yung dahilan. Baka magaway lang tayo lalo kung mgkikita tayo. You cannot have everything, and sometimes you have to give up one thing for another thing.

I am not sure if Im paranoid lang or dala lang inis.

If you still wanted to be my friend.. just understand. Juast pray for me na yung mga bagay na pinaplano ko will turn out fine. Sa bagay I am tired of expecting things na and I hate being disappointed.

Oo! ako lang ang naghahanap ng sarili kong sakit. I need to heal from everything.

Just tell you mami-lola and your mom na graduate ka na sakin.

I am wishing that someday, you will understand the happiness and joy na naramdaman ko nung magsama tayo.

Like I said, I want all the things na hiniram mo sakin returned to me.
The DVDs and yung payong ko. You can give it to Nomer.

I will return what I should have returned.

Just always take care, you're a big girl. Sabi nga ni Joannie, nabuhay ka nung wala ako.

Dont be to stubborn, because marami yung ngaalala pag may ginagawa kang delikado.

Let's just think na yung 3 months is just a dream, pero it has just a bad ending dahil kailangan mo nang gumising sa katotohanan.

Hindi ko kayang umiyak dahil naiinis ako pero, I think I am ok. Pinaghandaan ko na rin naman ang lahat. Siguro marami pa kong gustong sabihin.. pero... maybe this is enough.

Kahit minsan sana, palambutin mo naman yung puso mo pagdating sakin. This is the turning point... this is the day na na foreseen ko 2 months ago.

If your gonna ask me if I love you, yes I do. I care about you, a lot. If things go the way I wanted it to be 2 months ago, next year baka manligaw ako. Unless you someone in your life.

Dont take things for granted, you'll miss them when its gone.

I have no regrets of meeting you and knowing you. I wanted nga sana na maulit ang lahat ng craziness na nagawa natin. Pero sa ngayon, I just wanted to move on, move away, until its time to meet again, kung darating man un. Marami pa naman dyan na pwde mong maging best friend, I am just the wrong person for that role.

Masyado na bang mahaba... buti na nalang pagod na ko...

I just wish you all the best sa magic, TSC and school, and life. I wish you happiness, and just be true to yourself. Love and take care of what you have right now.

Farewell Andrea... Ikaw yung pinakamagandang pagkakamali ko.

-- END -- ? ? ?

Chapter 6: Pointless Illusion

Your eyes may deceive you. Things are not always what they seem. Take a look... Are you watching closely?

Its has been almost 3 months and it felt like we know each other for a long time. It is weird na masaya ako pagkasama siya pero at the same time I can feel the pain which is caused by the though that we are not meant to be. I tried to move on and she tried to put me away. But then suddenly we found ourselves doing the same old thing.

There are times na sumakit na talaga ang ulo ko dahil sa worries na binibigay nya sakin. Pero why do I stick with her. Paano ako nakakatiis? Is it because of the thought na mahirap maghanap ng katulad nya? Eh halos sya na nga talaga yung hinahanap ko, kaso, parang mali eh... first of all the age gap, second she's falling inlove with someone who she barely sees. Nakakainis! ako naman yung lagi nyang kasama at ako yung nakakatiis sa mga bagay na alam ko eh susukuan ng iba. I love her? Hanggang kelan? I told her that someday hindi na kami magkikita, possibleng after a few months or next year pa. Something tells me na nagaaksaya ako ng panahon sa bagay na hindi naman mangyayari.

What is moving on? Paano un? Isa lang ang naisip ko na bagay na makapaghihiwalay samin– remove my memory of her at ilayo siya sakin permanently. Gaano kalayo bago ko yung gusto ko para makalimutan sya? Hmm.. ibang planeta. Pero, teka... kaya ko ba talaga? Eh bakit isang araw lang na hindi sya magtext eh 'di ko na matiis?

Paano nga ba kung mangyari na yung gusto niyang mangyari? Well, I think I want may things returned to me, lahat ng hiniram nya. Then, maybe i'll change my number. Pero paano un? halos every week din kami magkikita? hmm.. di ko alam. Lalayo na ba talaga ko? My role can be replaced by someone better, kung papayag siya.

Walang kapupuntahan tong sinasabi ko. Naiinis ako sa mga nangyayari. The clock will soon to turn to the time na wala na ang lahat. Can someone slap me hard on the face! I wanna wake up...

Someone made an arrangement to be acquainted with me. I agreed, because its no big deal. I don't wanna expect anything because I am really tired of expectations. In case that this turns to a good friendship I have a new friend. But how about beyond friendship? I don't know.. we will see...