Chapter 4: Out of Reach

Someone tells me.. enjoy life as it is... you'll never know when its over...
it could be the last day that you'll be able to do the things you wanted to do, the last day you wanted to be with that someone...

She's just an inch away... when I told her, "Mahal na kita..." for the first time. That moment I was really sure of what i feel, but then someone tries to pull the plug off my happy minute. She likes her, but I don't know what can it lead them. I like her so much that I might forget some important things in my life.

How would you know that you are taken for granted? How would you know that you are just being tested? How much love can you give? When is the time that you'll give up?

How would I know that she would fall in love with me someday? How am I significant in her life?

It's hard for me to ask such questions and hard to pick up the answers. Feelings go in the way, jealousy, love, anxiety, insecurity... just to name a few.

I get angry sometimes because of what she does. She always tell me about the guy whom she likes and it kills me every time. It's hard. It hurts. But I am empty without her. Should I move on and try not to see her as frequent as I do today? Can I really do it? Or wait...

She listens, she barely listens to what I say... or she listens and it is not a big deal.

I said I will set aside these feelings I have for her, maybe I can move on. But then I know that I am hoping... hoping to be with her for the rest of my life. How can I make her love me as I love her. How can I make her feel the real feelings that I am showing? Or should I make ways to deal with the other guy? how? I don't know? And at least I haven't thought of you know... terminating him, in our group because its just too unethical and unruly.

Let's just say... I am running out of words... I am goin crazy.. all I know is I would stay with her as long as I can... but everything should have an ending... like my patience... love can wait, but I might get exhausted... and try to love another... someone who understands me better than her...