Chapter 3: Disconnected - PART 1

Close... very close... connected... but then.. biglaan... you are disconnected...
Nawala sya... bigla.. hindi mo alam kung bakit... worried.. malamang...

Nangyari ng paulit ulit.. pero buti bumabalik...
Pano kung... mawala... makuha ng iba? kaya ba?

What am I thinking? Insecurity? Jealousy?

Have you ever lost something? Its ok to loose a key, a pen or a ring... you know you can replace them...
But what about loosing a person... If i you loose in a battle without a fight you will regret it...
If you loose the battle with a fight you might still be thinking what if or you just move on... But what if you loose the battle, and the battle was'nt really starting yet... thats a different story..

Nagpopost ako na parang walang karugtong.. ayaw ko kasi lahat iwento... pero at this moment, my heart is breaking into pieces, but then someone try to put it back together... but then, that someone is the same reason why it keeps on breaking... ironic???

Disconnected... connected.. disconnected...

Chapter 2: Things to do...

There are a handful of things that I am looking forward to... do with that someone
1. Luneta (DONE 02-20-09)
2. Manila Zoo
3. Ocean Park (ang mahal ng entrance)
4. Paws (DONE - Regular thing since 01-17-09)
5. Painting Figurines
6. DVD watching
7. Magic etc. (DONE - Regular thing since 01-10-09)
8. Sleep together (DONE - 02-24-09)
9. Mass at Church(yung di ko pa napuntahan at nasimbahan)

i dunno if i have forgotten something... ill update next tym..

updated: April 25, 2009

Chapter 1: Misdirection

What is misdirection? Misdirection in magic doesn't really mean that you misdirect a person... but its more of directing him to where you want him to be directed... in short, you are controlling him, for example to look there not here, but he doesn't notice that its a part of the trick...

I have been teaching magic to some people I know I can really trust... but having someone to teach privately is a different story...
I have been single for 28 years 3 months and 18 days... and its seems like its going to end... but then, something is preventing that from happening again...
I do not want to take advantage... but somehow I got misdirected... someone said to me, I easily fall for someone that I like... but then, I know that it cannot be instant...
What I was searching for quite a long time... someone who has time... someone that will make time... someone special... someone I would love and care, and someone who also loves me back...
I always love the company of someone who likes to talk... and share ideas, and then later personal stuff...
You might be confused why my post is a little scattered... why? because I am thinking of that someone... whom I am beginning to love, but then... she's falling for someone that she have not spent a time with...
But wait.. let me tell you some things we did the past few days...
we study magic
we eat a lot
we laugh a lot
we smile
we argue
we look at each others eyes
we hug while our cheeks are kissing
we hold hands
we kiss...
yes.. we kiss... and she started it...

The kiss was not really a romantic kiss.. its was more of a smack...
More of a.. don't move.. I like to kiss you... and because I didn't expect it... I am a bit surprised...

The kiss is my first... lips to lips kiss... What did I feel?
This is not an ordinary kiss... Is she really that happy?
Well I know that she is happy but I didn't know that it will come to that..
but then, of course I know that there is something different about us...
it seems like I don't want that day to end... I feel that what did I do to deserve a kiss from someone like her...
I cannot deny that I like her... but then, there is chemistry...

Why do I have to speak in English??? here it goes...
Mahal ko na sya... hindi ko namaideny sa sarili ko... pero bakit nga ba lagi na lang ganito...
sawa na ko masaktan... hindi ba pwedeng, pagbigyan nman ako... and give me a happy ending?

I am trying to do what I feel is right.. pero ano nga ba ang hinahanap nila sa isang guy...

Pero teka... nalilito ka na ba? kasi may nangyari last Sunday afternoon... to evening...
Nagsimula sa usap, normal na usap... and also about the kiss...
but then napunta sa medyo personal na tanung... type na girl, physical... and non physical...
then she told me.. she likes me... she enjoys my company, she has a crush on me...
she even told me... to wait until its time... but then... why to we have to wonder and find other partners... kung mahal namin ang isa't isa... so pano yan.. one-sided yata...
confused pa din... hindi ko maexplain...

This post nauwi sa laman ng loob... at marami pa kong gustong sabihin...